Welcome to Grumpy Land

I try my best not to be grumpy, but if you could stand in my shoes, then you probably would be just as damn grumpy as I am.  I have had medical problems for many years, but no one was really diagnosing me.  Things changed when I somehow herniated a disc in my lumbar spine.  The months after the surgery were complete agony until I found my awesome doctor.  She took the time to listen to me.  She was up to date on current medical issues.  She was the one who diagnosed me.  Fibromyalgia.  I had thought I had it, but never could get it diagnosed until then.  I believe the surgery intensified it.

Knowing that it was Fibromyalgia, I decided to make a job change.  Being on my feet and doing all kinds of physical activities was just not going to work for me.  I ended up getting hired for a job where I had a break in the middle of the day for about three to four hours.  I had to be to work early in the morning, but it was OK since I could come home and take a nap during my break.  My doctor was thrilled with my job as well.  It couldn’t be anymore perfect.  Then that got screwed up.

In the parking lot of a shopping center, I collapsed and had a tonic clonic seizure.  I was rushed to the hospital.  I only have brief memories of be wrapped in a warm blanket, a nose cannula being put on after I was in the ambulance, and the lights of the hospital as I was rolled in.  When I was finally coherent and understood what had happened, I flipped out.  I knew that this would put a serious dent in my career path.  I would not be allowed to drive for six months.  All because I was sensitive to a pain medication I was given to help with my Fibromyalgia pain.

For a little over a month, I sat at home, bored out of my mind because I was not allowed to return to work for a month.  When I received my doctor’s released, I was transferred into a different position that I came to love.  I had to miss a little time when I got hit with a bad case of Diverticulitis.  I had to be hospitalized because I could not take one of the antibiotics I needed.  Then came August.  This was the straw that broke the camel’s back.  Literally.

I noticed that I was having progressively worsening pain in my back.  I could feel a little bit of nerve pain, but I credit my Lyrica for dulling that.  I got an MRI and an Orthopedic doctor.  I had/have a bulging disc at my T-11 T-12 spine.  My prior surgery site at my L5/S1  herniated again.  I would need surgery; a spinal fusion.  I actually wasn’t nervous about surgery.  I was more concerned with my life as a whole.

A spinal fusion would put me off work for a long time and quite frankly, we were already broke.  My husband and my two kids packed up, moved in with a friend and filed bankruptcy.  We didn’t have much choice.  It was that or lose it all and have nowhere to stay.  It had the added benefit that if I had a problem or needed help after surgery, I’d have someone to count on.  I moved the kids with me before surgery so I could be prepared.  My husband continued to move stuff and work the job he had until he could find employment closer to where we were living.

The surgery was like any other.  I was out like a light.  Have small flashes of memory from in recovery and then when they took me up to a room.  There was a problem, though.  The doctor explained that my back surgery may fail because I have a rare condition where my nerve roots are conjoined.  It took me a while to find information about it because it is very rare.  For more information, click here.  It was definitely upsetting to learn from day one that my percentage of having failed back surgery was already higher.  I stayed in the hospital for three nights, a little longer than what they originally told me, but I know my blood pressure dropped low and they kept taking me for X-Rays.  My physical therapist was a bitch.  She’s lucky I didn’t slam my walker in her face.  We’d be out walking around the floor and she would complain about how I slow I was walking.  I got a rod and screws put in my back and she wants me to walk faster.  I slowed down and then asked that she never come back or I’d kick her ass out of my room.  I was happy to go home, but nervous.  Who wouldn’t be?

At home, I was unable to do a lot.  I got the process started on my disability claim through SSI.  I have not heard back with a decision yet, which might be a good sign.  I laid in bed and watched movies unless I went outside to walk.  My doctor wanted me to be able to walk for two miles by the time I had my first check up.  I knew that wasn’t happening.  I have always been a slow healer compared to averages.  I looked through all of the home post operative orders and added extra time to each.  I did make mistakes that didn’t help my condition any.

I am a typical, average young woman who has some energy and finds it really boring to just sit and do nothing.  Our living arrangement lead me to do a lot of things I should not have done.  I painted, helped build cabinets, cleaned, etc.. I did these things because I felt like I owed my friend for allowing us to stay for free in her home.  I also did things because I have a husband who works a large chunk of the time and two younger children.  Now it has led me to complete bed rest for who knows how long and the cancellation of our family plans for Thanksgiving.  We were supposed to drive to his sister’s home, but my doctor felt that I should not ride in a car for that long.  We are just going to stay home and relax; enjoy that little bit of extra family time that has been granted to us.

I’m still healing.  We’re looking for new places to live.  I just wish we could catch a break.  Instead, I feel like life sucks for the most part.  Pain makes me one grumpy bitch. I plan to write what I feel like.  I am calibrating my life to make it better.  It may take some time, but I hope to eventually get there.